As I was reminded this evening by my excellent godfather, the only thing that really matters in this life is the here and now. We cannot change the past - what is the point of endlessly obsessing over things that we may or may not have done wrong? We cannot know the future - what is the point of planning for a future that may never come and concerning ourselves, worrying ourselves, over things that we cannot know? The only thing we have is here and now, the only thing we have is the next breath.
I'm a little disappointed with myself for forgetting that so easily. When three people that I loved very much and in very different ways all died within a year of each other, I swore I would live my life like each moment was my last. I would remain grounded here, I would stay focused on now. And school makes that a little impossible. Of course you have to plan ahead. Otherwise, nothing will get done. But then I have to sit back and ask myself, if the world was literally going up in smoke, what would I be doing HERE and NOW? My thesis doesn't matter worth a damn in the long run. My unit plan for three months down the line is ashes. All that is left is me, in my body, taking breath, focused, focused, focused.
I feel so Zen right now it's not even funny. And I'm so glad, because I haven't felt that way in a long time. And I should, dammit. I should feel this every single second of every single day.
So should you.
Goodnight.
