It's amazing what can happen in a month.
Isn't it? I mean, we sort of just go along at a decent clip and don't stop to realize just how much stuff we do in the course of a single day. How do we remember anything? How do we recall that amazing dinner we had, or that awesome play we went to, or how our favorite person sounds over the phone? Sometimes I am simply staggered by how amazing our brains truly are, for cataloging all of these things that make up our individual experience.
Anyhow, the month of February was... a long, exhausting, emotional blur. I am not going to get into it much; too many things that happened don't belong on the internet for everyone I don't know to see. But a lot of it was really bad, and a lot of it was pretty good, and now I'm just trying to recalibrate and take stock of how to move forward.
Isn't that what it's all about, anyway? Moving forward? I always struggle with that. I'm always looking over my shoulder at what has happened, or looking ahead to what might happen, and never looking right in front of me at what is happening, and so I have this tendency to stumble. I mean, right now I'm putting one foot in front of the other and doing it reasonably well; I have a plan for the next few months and I know, generally, what my life is going to look like for the vast majority of 2012. But I feel so small, sometimes. I feel so... isolated from the rest of the world of people doing the exact same thing. Putting one foot in front of the other. Trying not to trip.
I don't want to feel this small. I want to feel so big that I could embrace every single creature in the universe and still have room for more. I want to feel like I deserve that. That I deserve to love everyone and everything, and have them love me, too.
The holistic wellness counselor I've been working with since August suggested I start a regular meditation practice (there are a lot of things I'd like to do regularly, like exercise... -_-), which I've kept up with for the last five days in the mornings before work. I find that checking in with myself in the mornings definitely helps to lift my mood, but by the time lunch rolls around I'm back to feeling tiny. And there are ways in which feeling small feels great (Niagara Falls comes to mind...), but lately the feeling small has not felt so great. I am just hoping that the meditation helps. I just hope that I can keep the practice going long enough to make it a habit.
I'm also reading Eat Pray Love, a bit late, I suppose. I am simultaneously in love with the book and wanting to throw it across the room because, yes, I understand what you're saying, but I will never have such an experience, simply because I'll never be able to afford it. Which depresses me even as the message she's trying to get across lifts me up. It's really weird.
Most things are really weird right now.
Still, I am healthy, loved, and have the opportunity to create beautiful things every day. Plus, someone else is paying for me to go back to school (again!). However I may feel (and I am allowed to feel however I'm going to feel), the external forces in my life are good forces.
It will have to do for now.
Showing posts with label creativity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creativity. Show all posts
Monday, March 5, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Happy Happy! and Some New Year's Woes
Happy new year, folks (all two of you who read this blog...!)!
Lots of fun and amazing things happened over the last month. There was a vacation (St. Maarten, amazing), a sinfully enormous Christmas present haul, the possibility of promotion at work, excessive use of the word BAMF!, and lots of time spent with people who just brighten up my whole life.
There was also not-so-great stuff, like my grandfather being in the hospital on Christmas Eve (the first time ever in anyone's life he missed Christmas) and the subsequent weirdness of the event at my grandmother's house. There was the weird passive-aggressive fight between my parents over the concept of re-gifting, and the declaration by all and sundry that my aunt is a lunatic for dating her first husband again (I don't share this view because I (a) don't know him and (b) think that whatever makes you happy, makes you happy). Let's also not forget me breaking my toe 10 minutes into the new year by politely stubbing it on the toilet seat in my friend's bathroom - fun times!
And then there was me suddenly becoming allergic to my deodorant.
TMI? Probably. But I am super frustrated by this, and this is my place to dump weird shit on the internet, so if you don't like it, kindly click away.
Yeah. I've been using Tom's of Maine for... oh, maybe 15 years? I'm highly allergic to 99% of commercial deodorants and Tom's was the only one that didn't make me get this crazy itchy rash. Well, for the last month or so... it's behaving like it's Old Spice under there. And I do a little research, and it appears that, for the first time in 15 years, they've changed their deodorant formula.
I don't know how they changed it (as they don't list old formulas on their website, and I don't save deodorant containers), but changed it they have, and my underarms are sad little pits of fiery, itchy Hell.
And, despite there being a big movement these days for more "natural," and certainly chemical-free, bath and body products, I have started thinking more along the lines of making as many of these things for my household as possible, right in my own kitchen, where I have control over what goes in (or not) to what I'm putting on my body.
Taking a cue from my friend over at I'll Probably Regret This, in late December (actually, right after my last post) I started washing my hair with baking soda and apple cider vinegar. It's amazing. It probably worked so well for me because I'm sort of a dirty hippie, anyway, and really only shower twice a week (except in summer time, when it's too hot to do anything but sit in the bathtub, since I don't have a pool), but my hair is clean, and shiny, and smooth, and gorgeous. So, if this can be true of a recipe adapted (ganked) from Crunchy Betty, then perhaps I should start making my own deodorant, too.
Naturally I've gone and gotten all the ingredients. Or rather, I've made my boyfriend go get them, since I am hobbling around on a broken toe and walking too much makes it hurty.
So, moving forward is an experiment in deodorizing myself without any heavy metals or nasty un-pronounceable chemicals that don't belong in my system. I suppose I shall let people know how it goes. Mostly, I'm just looking forward to not being so damned itchy all the time.
Also, rather than "make resolutions" (which I never do), I've made a list of things that I intend to do this year. The list is rather vague and unspecific at the moment, but hopefully I'll have a minute sometime to really sit down and be a bit more thorough defining what I want for myself this year.
Here we go.
1.) Cook more. Not just "we should cook more and eat out less," because that's been happening. I mean me, in the kitchen, following recipes and making meals for myself and my boyfriend. More. Because right now the split for cooking dinner is about 98% to 2% in his favor (or mine, if you consider cooking to be a chore, I suppose).
2.) Troll through my psychological crap and start dealing with it. By day, I feel like I live a charmed life, and yet by night I have the most horrific nightmares. And they have progressed (regressed?) from your typical, disembodied-evil-is-chasing-me-and-my-legs-have-forgotten-how-to-function sort of nightmares to much more specific and easily identified psychological tropes, like some bimbo in a wedding dress trying to steal my boyfriend and him not noticing at all. The plan right now is to start keeping a dream "diary" of sorts. Write the dreams out the instant I wake up, and then later in the day start looking for patterns and what those might have to say about my insecurities. We'll see how it goes.
3.) Throw more pots! Speaks for itself, really. I want to finish at least two of my 100-objects series this year. I'm 13 pots into my 100 Cylinders project. I'll do 100 Bowls after that. The other side-affect goal here is to be able to sell these things at a physical craft fair this year, maybe around holiday time.
4.) Quilt more things! Specifically, I'd love to make small quilts. As in, coasters and trivets and place-mats small. I'm working on The Big Quilt for this year, but after that, everything must be tiny! No bigger than my biggest book! And of course, I'd love to sell these things at that same craft fair, too.
5.) Get clear on my vision of myself. I'm still not 100% sure what that means or how I'm going to get there. ^.^;; Any suggestions?
Big things in store for 2012, kiddies. The journey... continues.
Good luck everyone! ^_^
Lots of fun and amazing things happened over the last month. There was a vacation (St. Maarten, amazing), a sinfully enormous Christmas present haul, the possibility of promotion at work, excessive use of the word BAMF!, and lots of time spent with people who just brighten up my whole life.
There was also not-so-great stuff, like my grandfather being in the hospital on Christmas Eve (the first time ever in anyone's life he missed Christmas) and the subsequent weirdness of the event at my grandmother's house. There was the weird passive-aggressive fight between my parents over the concept of re-gifting, and the declaration by all and sundry that my aunt is a lunatic for dating her first husband again (I don't share this view because I (a) don't know him and (b) think that whatever makes you happy, makes you happy). Let's also not forget me breaking my toe 10 minutes into the new year by politely stubbing it on the toilet seat in my friend's bathroom - fun times!
And then there was me suddenly becoming allergic to my deodorant.
TMI? Probably. But I am super frustrated by this, and this is my place to dump weird shit on the internet, so if you don't like it, kindly click away.
Yeah. I've been using Tom's of Maine for... oh, maybe 15 years? I'm highly allergic to 99% of commercial deodorants and Tom's was the only one that didn't make me get this crazy itchy rash. Well, for the last month or so... it's behaving like it's Old Spice under there. And I do a little research, and it appears that, for the first time in 15 years, they've changed their deodorant formula.
I don't know how they changed it (as they don't list old formulas on their website, and I don't save deodorant containers), but changed it they have, and my underarms are sad little pits of fiery, itchy Hell.
And, despite there being a big movement these days for more "natural," and certainly chemical-free, bath and body products, I have started thinking more along the lines of making as many of these things for my household as possible, right in my own kitchen, where I have control over what goes in (or not) to what I'm putting on my body.
Taking a cue from my friend over at I'll Probably Regret This, in late December (actually, right after my last post) I started washing my hair with baking soda and apple cider vinegar. It's amazing. It probably worked so well for me because I'm sort of a dirty hippie, anyway, and really only shower twice a week (except in summer time, when it's too hot to do anything but sit in the bathtub, since I don't have a pool), but my hair is clean, and shiny, and smooth, and gorgeous. So, if this can be true of a recipe adapted (ganked) from Crunchy Betty, then perhaps I should start making my own deodorant, too.
Naturally I've gone and gotten all the ingredients. Or rather, I've made my boyfriend go get them, since I am hobbling around on a broken toe and walking too much makes it hurty.
So, moving forward is an experiment in deodorizing myself without any heavy metals or nasty un-pronounceable chemicals that don't belong in my system. I suppose I shall let people know how it goes. Mostly, I'm just looking forward to not being so damned itchy all the time.
Also, rather than "make resolutions" (which I never do), I've made a list of things that I intend to do this year. The list is rather vague and unspecific at the moment, but hopefully I'll have a minute sometime to really sit down and be a bit more thorough defining what I want for myself this year.
Here we go.
1.) Cook more. Not just "we should cook more and eat out less," because that's been happening. I mean me, in the kitchen, following recipes and making meals for myself and my boyfriend. More. Because right now the split for cooking dinner is about 98% to 2% in his favor (or mine, if you consider cooking to be a chore, I suppose).
2.) Troll through my psychological crap and start dealing with it. By day, I feel like I live a charmed life, and yet by night I have the most horrific nightmares. And they have progressed (regressed?) from your typical, disembodied-evil-is-chasing-me-and-my-legs-have-forgotten-how-to-function sort of nightmares to much more specific and easily identified psychological tropes, like some bimbo in a wedding dress trying to steal my boyfriend and him not noticing at all. The plan right now is to start keeping a dream "diary" of sorts. Write the dreams out the instant I wake up, and then later in the day start looking for patterns and what those might have to say about my insecurities. We'll see how it goes.
3.) Throw more pots! Speaks for itself, really. I want to finish at least two of my 100-objects series this year. I'm 13 pots into my 100 Cylinders project. I'll do 100 Bowls after that. The other side-affect goal here is to be able to sell these things at a physical craft fair this year, maybe around holiday time.
4.) Quilt more things! Specifically, I'd love to make small quilts. As in, coasters and trivets and place-mats small. I'm working on The Big Quilt for this year, but after that, everything must be tiny! No bigger than my biggest book! And of course, I'd love to sell these things at that same craft fair, too.
5.) Get clear on my vision of myself. I'm still not 100% sure what that means or how I'm going to get there. ^.^;; Any suggestions?
Big things in store for 2012, kiddies. The journey... continues.
Good luck everyone! ^_^
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Praticing Gratitude
I know this is sort of a tired subject as I've seen it flying around since the week before Thanksgiving, but... gratitude.
I started "practicing gratitude" in November while I was doing a cleanse with my nutritionist. She's into holistic work, so part of the cleanse was cleansing negative attitudes or behaviors. I'm a creature of habit, habit, habit, and the behaviors, well, they're not completely overturned (it will take years to get rid of the habits I don't like, but I'm working on it). But I have found myself to be in a profoundly better mood these days than I have been in a long, long time. There are a number of factors that add to the feeling, but I think a huge part of it is that I've stopped looking at what I don't have.
I think we're sort of programmed to think about all of the things we don't have - clearer skin, shinier hair, flatter stomachs, faster cars, bigger houses, fairy-tale romances - and then spend tons of our hard-earned cash on stuff that might bring us closer to the these things. I can't think of a single marketing campaign that tells us to be satisfied with what we already have and who we are. But I think that telling ourselves every day what we like about who we are and what we have crowds out all of the negative messages we are bombarded with that tell us to constantly seek satisfaction elsewhere.
I have a job that I absolutely fucking love. Is it the "dream job"? No. But it is a job that gives me enough money to pay my bills and still have enough to do something nice for myself or for friends. And it's satisfying to my soul in a way that no other job I've had has been.
I live in a beautiful apartment that is starting to really feel like home. Is it a gigantic mansion with fifteen bedrooms, six baths and a tennis court? No. But it is cozy, and warm, and brightly painted, and full of books and music and crafting and laughter. And good cooking.
I am healthy, and finally have health insurance. Could I be healthier? Sure. I could probably have better health insurance, too, but for now, it is enough that I can go to the doctor if I need to (or want to!), and I am working on eating better and exercising more.
I have a family that supports me and all of my wacky shit. Are we supremely dysfunctional? Definitely. But who's family isn't, these days? All I need to know is that if shit goes down, my family will help me rebuild.
I am crafting every day. Do I get to spend as much time as I'd like crafting? No. But I am making time to do it every single day, which is a huge improvement over what I was doing before - a whole lot of nothing.
I have friends I love spending time with. Do I see them as often as I'd like? No. Some are too far away and some I've slowly lost touch with, but I'm making more of an effort to keep ties with the people who lift me up and whose company I truly enjoy. I love each and every one of them and I'm hugely glad that they are in my life.
I have a partner who is willing to listen when I speak, hold me when I cry, laugh with me at a stupid joke, take me on vacations, and cook amazing meals at night when I'm too tired to do anything but be a slug on the couch (among about a thousand other awesome things). And I really, really have nothing to complain about there at all. ^_^
So, yeah. There are worries and things, but I'm finally starting to see how blessed I am to have such an amazing life. And I say thank you to the universe every day for bringing everything together, one small piece at a time.
Mata ne.
I started "practicing gratitude" in November while I was doing a cleanse with my nutritionist. She's into holistic work, so part of the cleanse was cleansing negative attitudes or behaviors. I'm a creature of habit, habit, habit, and the behaviors, well, they're not completely overturned (it will take years to get rid of the habits I don't like, but I'm working on it). But I have found myself to be in a profoundly better mood these days than I have been in a long, long time. There are a number of factors that add to the feeling, but I think a huge part of it is that I've stopped looking at what I don't have.
I think we're sort of programmed to think about all of the things we don't have - clearer skin, shinier hair, flatter stomachs, faster cars, bigger houses, fairy-tale romances - and then spend tons of our hard-earned cash on stuff that might bring us closer to the these things. I can't think of a single marketing campaign that tells us to be satisfied with what we already have and who we are. But I think that telling ourselves every day what we like about who we are and what we have crowds out all of the negative messages we are bombarded with that tell us to constantly seek satisfaction elsewhere.
I have a job that I absolutely fucking love. Is it the "dream job"? No. But it is a job that gives me enough money to pay my bills and still have enough to do something nice for myself or for friends. And it's satisfying to my soul in a way that no other job I've had has been.
I live in a beautiful apartment that is starting to really feel like home. Is it a gigantic mansion with fifteen bedrooms, six baths and a tennis court? No. But it is cozy, and warm, and brightly painted, and full of books and music and crafting and laughter. And good cooking.
I am healthy, and finally have health insurance. Could I be healthier? Sure. I could probably have better health insurance, too, but for now, it is enough that I can go to the doctor if I need to (or want to!), and I am working on eating better and exercising more.
I have a family that supports me and all of my wacky shit. Are we supremely dysfunctional? Definitely. But who's family isn't, these days? All I need to know is that if shit goes down, my family will help me rebuild.
I am crafting every day. Do I get to spend as much time as I'd like crafting? No. But I am making time to do it every single day, which is a huge improvement over what I was doing before - a whole lot of nothing.
I have friends I love spending time with. Do I see them as often as I'd like? No. Some are too far away and some I've slowly lost touch with, but I'm making more of an effort to keep ties with the people who lift me up and whose company I truly enjoy. I love each and every one of them and I'm hugely glad that they are in my life.
I have a partner who is willing to listen when I speak, hold me when I cry, laugh with me at a stupid joke, take me on vacations, and cook amazing meals at night when I'm too tired to do anything but be a slug on the couch (among about a thousand other awesome things). And I really, really have nothing to complain about there at all. ^_^
So, yeah. There are worries and things, but I'm finally starting to see how blessed I am to have such an amazing life. And I say thank you to the universe every day for bringing everything together, one small piece at a time.
Mata ne.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Froud!
I just had possibly one of the more amazing weekends of my life.
I feel like I say that a lot. I have a serious tendency to hyperbolize everything. And also make up words. But the fact remains, I am given to exaggeration, and yet, even so, I really do feel like the last three days have been some of the more spectacular days of my adult existence.
It began Friday evening, with a 10:00PM screening of The Muppets. What a beautiful (hilarious, exciting, heart-wrenching, silly, self-aware, nostalgic, new, perfect) tribute to Jim Henson's work. That's how I saw it, anyway. It was also great to have a Muppet movie again - and one that made everyone in the theatre crack up laughing every ten seconds with wonderful wit. The music was great. All around a fun time, despite the fact that I pretty much started bawling from when they show the picture of Jim Henson sitting with Kermit on his lap to the end of the film. Rainbow Connection, what what?
Saturday was a bright-and-early day. I got up at 7 and went into the studio to glaze the hell out of everything, trim a pot, and throw two new ones. I got to see folks I haven't seen in a few weeks and chatted with them for a bit. I met up with Chadley for delicious brunch at Boqueria on 19th (we had a semi-private dining experience since we got there right when they opened and were alone in the restaurant for a good 2/3 of our meal), and then we headed to the Union Square farmer's market for some veggie shopping (I love the farmer's market. For so many reasons. On Saturday, because the weather was beautiful, the rye bread was delicious, and the shallots were so lovely I had to photograph them).
After Chadley took the groceries back to Jersey City, I wandered into Barnes and Noble and sat reading in the cafe for a while, sipping on a caramel apple spice. I don't usually indulge in things that are so rich and sweet (it tastes like pie!), but I was feeling the need for a tasty treat, so I had it, and sipped it slowly. And then I headed down to Spring Street.
I wandered around because I'd gotten there earlier than everyone else in my group. We were on a mission. But before I could engage in the mission I did some window shopping (abnormal for me!), and stepped into Evolution, which made me feel completely transported to an older age. For those who don't know, Evolution is a store that has some really old stuff in it, in addition to rocks and gems and insects (they have an entire entomology department dedicated to the identification and mounting of just about any insect you could imagine) and a hundred other weird things. I wandered through the store in a fog, touching everything that was available to touch and feeling like a child all over again, curious and eager. It was amazing. And it may just have been the state of mind I was in anyway, but I highly recommend going to this place if you can and experiencing it for yourself.
But... the mission. Earlier in the week, friends posted about a gallery opening for Brian, Wendy, and Toby Froud (in my plan for the weekend, I put a question mark next to this event - what on earth could I have been thinking?!). It was a free event, just had to RSVP, and then you could go and chat with all three artists and look at their amazing, amazing work.
For anyone who doesn't know, Brian and Wendy Froud are my favorite artists. So much so that I have indelibly marked my body with Brian's work, and discovered my sexuality through Wendy's (in a weird, roundabout way that I'll get into some other time, perhaps). These are the minds responsible for The Dark Crystal (my absolute favorite film of all time) and Labyrinth, as well as a number of books about the realms of faerie.
Anyhow, I went to this event with some friends and was, embarrassingly, a total blubbering mess. When it came my turn to speak with Brian Froud, I told him in the tiniest voice I think I've ever heard come out of myself that I loved his work (he said thank you) and that I've loved it ever since I was a little girl. All in tears, mind you. In total, unabashed, messy tears. I couldn't find the courage or the words to tell him how profoundly his work has affected my life because he and his wife so totally shaped the world of my childhood. It's easy to write it now, but even after speaking to him (and then to Wendy, who I was still meek with but managed to ask when her next doll-making workshop might be) I couldn't even explain to my friends how I felt about the tremendous honor of meeting this man and his family. It was awesome, in the truest definition of the word.
I suppose I should add that Chad showed me pictures of the Jim Henson exhibit at The Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, and I started crying over the pictures of the props from The Dark Crystal (I have to get to this exhibit, big time. Maybe next Saturday). So, when there was a tiny replica of Kira at the exhibit at the Animazing Gallery, I totally lost my shit. My friends were extremely gracious handling my mini-meltdown, but... wow. I didn't realize that seeing things like that and the mere presence of a person could do that to me. And, just a note, the Frouds were truly wonderful people, so sweet and accommodating and kind, they truly are a wonderfully talented family and I am so, so glad that I got to meet all of them.
After the gallery (I was walking on some kind of cloud, seriously!), I met my sister at Columbus Circle to go to the Festival of Lessons and Carols at Fordham. I'm not religious and I'm certainly not Christian, but I love listening to good choir music and I love the participatory spirit of the concert Fordham puts on every year. It was a lovely way to end a very long and emotionally exhausting day.
Sunday was a bit slower. I spent the morning recovering, was made pancakes by Mr. Chadley (delicious!), went to the new studio space to help decorate for the holiday party this Friday (and talked my way into helping with some minor repairs to a wood bench), and then got dinner from one of my favorite restaurants in the city to take home and enjoy on the couch. Things even got a little randy afterwards. It was the perfect end to the weekend. ^_^
I'm still reeling from all of this. But mostly, just happy that it all happened, and that I was present enough to really enjoy every minute of it.
*happy sigh*
I feel like I say that a lot. I have a serious tendency to hyperbolize everything. And also make up words. But the fact remains, I am given to exaggeration, and yet, even so, I really do feel like the last three days have been some of the more spectacular days of my adult existence.
It began Friday evening, with a 10:00PM screening of The Muppets. What a beautiful (hilarious, exciting, heart-wrenching, silly, self-aware, nostalgic, new, perfect) tribute to Jim Henson's work. That's how I saw it, anyway. It was also great to have a Muppet movie again - and one that made everyone in the theatre crack up laughing every ten seconds with wonderful wit. The music was great. All around a fun time, despite the fact that I pretty much started bawling from when they show the picture of Jim Henson sitting with Kermit on his lap to the end of the film. Rainbow Connection, what what?
Saturday was a bright-and-early day. I got up at 7 and went into the studio to glaze the hell out of everything, trim a pot, and throw two new ones. I got to see folks I haven't seen in a few weeks and chatted with them for a bit. I met up with Chadley for delicious brunch at Boqueria on 19th (we had a semi-private dining experience since we got there right when they opened and were alone in the restaurant for a good 2/3 of our meal), and then we headed to the Union Square farmer's market for some veggie shopping (I love the farmer's market. For so many reasons. On Saturday, because the weather was beautiful, the rye bread was delicious, and the shallots were so lovely I had to photograph them).
After Chadley took the groceries back to Jersey City, I wandered into Barnes and Noble and sat reading in the cafe for a while, sipping on a caramel apple spice. I don't usually indulge in things that are so rich and sweet (it tastes like pie!), but I was feeling the need for a tasty treat, so I had it, and sipped it slowly. And then I headed down to Spring Street.
I wandered around because I'd gotten there earlier than everyone else in my group. We were on a mission. But before I could engage in the mission I did some window shopping (abnormal for me!), and stepped into Evolution, which made me feel completely transported to an older age. For those who don't know, Evolution is a store that has some really old stuff in it, in addition to rocks and gems and insects (they have an entire entomology department dedicated to the identification and mounting of just about any insect you could imagine) and a hundred other weird things. I wandered through the store in a fog, touching everything that was available to touch and feeling like a child all over again, curious and eager. It was amazing. And it may just have been the state of mind I was in anyway, but I highly recommend going to this place if you can and experiencing it for yourself.
But... the mission. Earlier in the week, friends posted about a gallery opening for Brian, Wendy, and Toby Froud (in my plan for the weekend, I put a question mark next to this event - what on earth could I have been thinking?!). It was a free event, just had to RSVP, and then you could go and chat with all three artists and look at their amazing, amazing work.
For anyone who doesn't know, Brian and Wendy Froud are my favorite artists. So much so that I have indelibly marked my body with Brian's work, and discovered my sexuality through Wendy's (in a weird, roundabout way that I'll get into some other time, perhaps). These are the minds responsible for The Dark Crystal (my absolute favorite film of all time) and Labyrinth, as well as a number of books about the realms of faerie.
Anyhow, I went to this event with some friends and was, embarrassingly, a total blubbering mess. When it came my turn to speak with Brian Froud, I told him in the tiniest voice I think I've ever heard come out of myself that I loved his work (he said thank you) and that I've loved it ever since I was a little girl. All in tears, mind you. In total, unabashed, messy tears. I couldn't find the courage or the words to tell him how profoundly his work has affected my life because he and his wife so totally shaped the world of my childhood. It's easy to write it now, but even after speaking to him (and then to Wendy, who I was still meek with but managed to ask when her next doll-making workshop might be) I couldn't even explain to my friends how I felt about the tremendous honor of meeting this man and his family. It was awesome, in the truest definition of the word.
I suppose I should add that Chad showed me pictures of the Jim Henson exhibit at The Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, and I started crying over the pictures of the props from The Dark Crystal (I have to get to this exhibit, big time. Maybe next Saturday). So, when there was a tiny replica of Kira at the exhibit at the Animazing Gallery, I totally lost my shit. My friends were extremely gracious handling my mini-meltdown, but... wow. I didn't realize that seeing things like that and the mere presence of a person could do that to me. And, just a note, the Frouds were truly wonderful people, so sweet and accommodating and kind, they truly are a wonderfully talented family and I am so, so glad that I got to meet all of them.
After the gallery (I was walking on some kind of cloud, seriously!), I met my sister at Columbus Circle to go to the Festival of Lessons and Carols at Fordham. I'm not religious and I'm certainly not Christian, but I love listening to good choir music and I love the participatory spirit of the concert Fordham puts on every year. It was a lovely way to end a very long and emotionally exhausting day.
Sunday was a bit slower. I spent the morning recovering, was made pancakes by Mr. Chadley (delicious!), went to the new studio space to help decorate for the holiday party this Friday (and talked my way into helping with some minor repairs to a wood bench), and then got dinner from one of my favorite restaurants in the city to take home and enjoy on the couch. Things even got a little randy afterwards. It was the perfect end to the weekend. ^_^
I'm still reeling from all of this. But mostly, just happy that it all happened, and that I was present enough to really enjoy every minute of it.
*happy sigh*
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