I know this is sort of a tired subject as I've seen it flying around since the week before Thanksgiving, but... gratitude.
I started "practicing gratitude" in November while I was doing a cleanse with my nutritionist. She's into holistic work, so part of the cleanse was cleansing negative attitudes or behaviors. I'm a creature of habit, habit, habit, and the behaviors, well, they're not completely overturned (it will take years to get rid of the habits I don't like, but I'm working on it). But I have found myself to be in a profoundly better mood these days than I have been in a long, long time. There are a number of factors that add to the feeling, but I think a huge part of it is that I've stopped looking at what I don't have.
I think we're sort of programmed to think about all of the things we don't have - clearer skin, shinier hair, flatter stomachs, faster cars, bigger houses, fairy-tale romances - and then spend tons of our hard-earned cash on stuff that might bring us closer to the these things. I can't think of a single marketing campaign that tells us to be satisfied with what we already have and who we are. But I think that telling ourselves every day what we like about who we are and what we have crowds out all of the negative messages we are bombarded with that tell us to constantly seek satisfaction elsewhere.
I have a job that I absolutely fucking love. Is it the "dream job"? No. But it is a job that gives me enough money to pay my bills and still have enough to do something nice for myself or for friends. And it's satisfying to my soul in a way that no other job I've had has been.
I live in a beautiful apartment that is starting to really feel like home. Is it a gigantic mansion with fifteen bedrooms, six baths and a tennis court? No. But it is cozy, and warm, and brightly painted, and full of books and music and crafting and laughter. And good cooking.
I am healthy, and finally have health insurance. Could I be healthier? Sure. I could probably have better health insurance, too, but for now, it is enough that I can go to the doctor if I need to (or want to!), and I am working on eating better and exercising more.
I have a family that supports me and all of my wacky shit. Are we supremely dysfunctional? Definitely. But who's family isn't, these days? All I need to know is that if shit goes down, my family will help me rebuild.
I am crafting every day. Do I get to spend as much time as I'd like crafting? No. But I am making time to do it every single day, which is a huge improvement over what I was doing before - a whole lot of nothing.
I have friends I love spending time with. Do I see them as often as I'd like? No. Some are too far away and some I've slowly lost touch with, but I'm making more of an effort to keep ties with the people who lift me up and whose company I truly enjoy. I love each and every one of them and I'm hugely glad that they are in my life.
I have a partner who is willing to listen when I speak, hold me when I cry, laugh with me at a stupid joke, take me on vacations, and cook amazing meals at night when I'm too tired to do anything but be a slug on the couch (among about a thousand other awesome things). And I really, really have nothing to complain about there at all. ^_^
So, yeah. There are worries and things, but I'm finally starting to see how blessed I am to have such an amazing life. And I say thank you to the universe every day for bringing everything together, one small piece at a time.
Mata ne.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Froud!
I just had possibly one of the more amazing weekends of my life.
I feel like I say that a lot. I have a serious tendency to hyperbolize everything. And also make up words. But the fact remains, I am given to exaggeration, and yet, even so, I really do feel like the last three days have been some of the more spectacular days of my adult existence.
It began Friday evening, with a 10:00PM screening of The Muppets. What a beautiful (hilarious, exciting, heart-wrenching, silly, self-aware, nostalgic, new, perfect) tribute to Jim Henson's work. That's how I saw it, anyway. It was also great to have a Muppet movie again - and one that made everyone in the theatre crack up laughing every ten seconds with wonderful wit. The music was great. All around a fun time, despite the fact that I pretty much started bawling from when they show the picture of Jim Henson sitting with Kermit on his lap to the end of the film. Rainbow Connection, what what?
Saturday was a bright-and-early day. I got up at 7 and went into the studio to glaze the hell out of everything, trim a pot, and throw two new ones. I got to see folks I haven't seen in a few weeks and chatted with them for a bit. I met up with Chadley for delicious brunch at Boqueria on 19th (we had a semi-private dining experience since we got there right when they opened and were alone in the restaurant for a good 2/3 of our meal), and then we headed to the Union Square farmer's market for some veggie shopping (I love the farmer's market. For so many reasons. On Saturday, because the weather was beautiful, the rye bread was delicious, and the shallots were so lovely I had to photograph them).
After Chadley took the groceries back to Jersey City, I wandered into Barnes and Noble and sat reading in the cafe for a while, sipping on a caramel apple spice. I don't usually indulge in things that are so rich and sweet (it tastes like pie!), but I was feeling the need for a tasty treat, so I had it, and sipped it slowly. And then I headed down to Spring Street.
I wandered around because I'd gotten there earlier than everyone else in my group. We were on a mission. But before I could engage in the mission I did some window shopping (abnormal for me!), and stepped into Evolution, which made me feel completely transported to an older age. For those who don't know, Evolution is a store that has some really old stuff in it, in addition to rocks and gems and insects (they have an entire entomology department dedicated to the identification and mounting of just about any insect you could imagine) and a hundred other weird things. I wandered through the store in a fog, touching everything that was available to touch and feeling like a child all over again, curious and eager. It was amazing. And it may just have been the state of mind I was in anyway, but I highly recommend going to this place if you can and experiencing it for yourself.
But... the mission. Earlier in the week, friends posted about a gallery opening for Brian, Wendy, and Toby Froud (in my plan for the weekend, I put a question mark next to this event - what on earth could I have been thinking?!). It was a free event, just had to RSVP, and then you could go and chat with all three artists and look at their amazing, amazing work.
For anyone who doesn't know, Brian and Wendy Froud are my favorite artists. So much so that I have indelibly marked my body with Brian's work, and discovered my sexuality through Wendy's (in a weird, roundabout way that I'll get into some other time, perhaps). These are the minds responsible for The Dark Crystal (my absolute favorite film of all time) and Labyrinth, as well as a number of books about the realms of faerie.
Anyhow, I went to this event with some friends and was, embarrassingly, a total blubbering mess. When it came my turn to speak with Brian Froud, I told him in the tiniest voice I think I've ever heard come out of myself that I loved his work (he said thank you) and that I've loved it ever since I was a little girl. All in tears, mind you. In total, unabashed, messy tears. I couldn't find the courage or the words to tell him how profoundly his work has affected my life because he and his wife so totally shaped the world of my childhood. It's easy to write it now, but even after speaking to him (and then to Wendy, who I was still meek with but managed to ask when her next doll-making workshop might be) I couldn't even explain to my friends how I felt about the tremendous honor of meeting this man and his family. It was awesome, in the truest definition of the word.
I suppose I should add that Chad showed me pictures of the Jim Henson exhibit at The Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, and I started crying over the pictures of the props from The Dark Crystal (I have to get to this exhibit, big time. Maybe next Saturday). So, when there was a tiny replica of Kira at the exhibit at the Animazing Gallery, I totally lost my shit. My friends were extremely gracious handling my mini-meltdown, but... wow. I didn't realize that seeing things like that and the mere presence of a person could do that to me. And, just a note, the Frouds were truly wonderful people, so sweet and accommodating and kind, they truly are a wonderfully talented family and I am so, so glad that I got to meet all of them.
After the gallery (I was walking on some kind of cloud, seriously!), I met my sister at Columbus Circle to go to the Festival of Lessons and Carols at Fordham. I'm not religious and I'm certainly not Christian, but I love listening to good choir music and I love the participatory spirit of the concert Fordham puts on every year. It was a lovely way to end a very long and emotionally exhausting day.
Sunday was a bit slower. I spent the morning recovering, was made pancakes by Mr. Chadley (delicious!), went to the new studio space to help decorate for the holiday party this Friday (and talked my way into helping with some minor repairs to a wood bench), and then got dinner from one of my favorite restaurants in the city to take home and enjoy on the couch. Things even got a little randy afterwards. It was the perfect end to the weekend. ^_^
I'm still reeling from all of this. But mostly, just happy that it all happened, and that I was present enough to really enjoy every minute of it.
*happy sigh*
I feel like I say that a lot. I have a serious tendency to hyperbolize everything. And also make up words. But the fact remains, I am given to exaggeration, and yet, even so, I really do feel like the last three days have been some of the more spectacular days of my adult existence.
It began Friday evening, with a 10:00PM screening of The Muppets. What a beautiful (hilarious, exciting, heart-wrenching, silly, self-aware, nostalgic, new, perfect) tribute to Jim Henson's work. That's how I saw it, anyway. It was also great to have a Muppet movie again - and one that made everyone in the theatre crack up laughing every ten seconds with wonderful wit. The music was great. All around a fun time, despite the fact that I pretty much started bawling from when they show the picture of Jim Henson sitting with Kermit on his lap to the end of the film. Rainbow Connection, what what?
Saturday was a bright-and-early day. I got up at 7 and went into the studio to glaze the hell out of everything, trim a pot, and throw two new ones. I got to see folks I haven't seen in a few weeks and chatted with them for a bit. I met up with Chadley for delicious brunch at Boqueria on 19th (we had a semi-private dining experience since we got there right when they opened and were alone in the restaurant for a good 2/3 of our meal), and then we headed to the Union Square farmer's market for some veggie shopping (I love the farmer's market. For so many reasons. On Saturday, because the weather was beautiful, the rye bread was delicious, and the shallots were so lovely I had to photograph them).
After Chadley took the groceries back to Jersey City, I wandered into Barnes and Noble and sat reading in the cafe for a while, sipping on a caramel apple spice. I don't usually indulge in things that are so rich and sweet (it tastes like pie!), but I was feeling the need for a tasty treat, so I had it, and sipped it slowly. And then I headed down to Spring Street.
I wandered around because I'd gotten there earlier than everyone else in my group. We were on a mission. But before I could engage in the mission I did some window shopping (abnormal for me!), and stepped into Evolution, which made me feel completely transported to an older age. For those who don't know, Evolution is a store that has some really old stuff in it, in addition to rocks and gems and insects (they have an entire entomology department dedicated to the identification and mounting of just about any insect you could imagine) and a hundred other weird things. I wandered through the store in a fog, touching everything that was available to touch and feeling like a child all over again, curious and eager. It was amazing. And it may just have been the state of mind I was in anyway, but I highly recommend going to this place if you can and experiencing it for yourself.
But... the mission. Earlier in the week, friends posted about a gallery opening for Brian, Wendy, and Toby Froud (in my plan for the weekend, I put a question mark next to this event - what on earth could I have been thinking?!). It was a free event, just had to RSVP, and then you could go and chat with all three artists and look at their amazing, amazing work.
For anyone who doesn't know, Brian and Wendy Froud are my favorite artists. So much so that I have indelibly marked my body with Brian's work, and discovered my sexuality through Wendy's (in a weird, roundabout way that I'll get into some other time, perhaps). These are the minds responsible for The Dark Crystal (my absolute favorite film of all time) and Labyrinth, as well as a number of books about the realms of faerie.
Anyhow, I went to this event with some friends and was, embarrassingly, a total blubbering mess. When it came my turn to speak with Brian Froud, I told him in the tiniest voice I think I've ever heard come out of myself that I loved his work (he said thank you) and that I've loved it ever since I was a little girl. All in tears, mind you. In total, unabashed, messy tears. I couldn't find the courage or the words to tell him how profoundly his work has affected my life because he and his wife so totally shaped the world of my childhood. It's easy to write it now, but even after speaking to him (and then to Wendy, who I was still meek with but managed to ask when her next doll-making workshop might be) I couldn't even explain to my friends how I felt about the tremendous honor of meeting this man and his family. It was awesome, in the truest definition of the word.
I suppose I should add that Chad showed me pictures of the Jim Henson exhibit at The Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, and I started crying over the pictures of the props from The Dark Crystal (I have to get to this exhibit, big time. Maybe next Saturday). So, when there was a tiny replica of Kira at the exhibit at the Animazing Gallery, I totally lost my shit. My friends were extremely gracious handling my mini-meltdown, but... wow. I didn't realize that seeing things like that and the mere presence of a person could do that to me. And, just a note, the Frouds were truly wonderful people, so sweet and accommodating and kind, they truly are a wonderfully talented family and I am so, so glad that I got to meet all of them.
After the gallery (I was walking on some kind of cloud, seriously!), I met my sister at Columbus Circle to go to the Festival of Lessons and Carols at Fordham. I'm not religious and I'm certainly not Christian, but I love listening to good choir music and I love the participatory spirit of the concert Fordham puts on every year. It was a lovely way to end a very long and emotionally exhausting day.
Sunday was a bit slower. I spent the morning recovering, was made pancakes by Mr. Chadley (delicious!), went to the new studio space to help decorate for the holiday party this Friday (and talked my way into helping with some minor repairs to a wood bench), and then got dinner from one of my favorite restaurants in the city to take home and enjoy on the couch. Things even got a little randy afterwards. It was the perfect end to the weekend. ^_^
I'm still reeling from all of this. But mostly, just happy that it all happened, and that I was present enough to really enjoy every minute of it.
*happy sigh*
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